Why Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez’s Green New Deal Is Brilliant. [SATIRE]

Last week, new democratic congresswoman, Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez released an FAQ on her Green New Deal. The FAQ is 6 pages long and features detail by detail on what would be in the deal. Democrats later said that this was released by mistake and that this isn’t the final draft, which is unfortunate. I think this deal is exactly what America needs right now. The evil Republicans tried to pounce on this try as they might, this deal is awesome. Here are, in my opinion, the best parts.

1. Eliminating all vehicles except Electric Cars.

One of the things this bill proposes is a total ban gasoline cars and only allowing electric cars. This is a brilliant idea. Far too long have we allowed people freely drive cars that use gasoline, GASOLINE! I tremble at the sight of that word. The fact that people like driving around these cars is just plain evil. So, I’m glad that this bill will ban them. Electric cars are the future, and if ask how much it will cost, well all can say is don’t worry about it. The government will pay these cars, so you don’t need to worry them.

2. Stopping Cow farts by killing them.

It has been long known that farts from cows contains green house gases. Scientists for years have tried to find ways to stop cows from farting. Unfortunately, there is only one option, killing them. I know that this may seem cruel, but the fate of the planet is at stake, and we have to make sacrifices. Luckily this bill will do just that. It’s unfortunate but it must be done.

3. Remodeling every building in the United States.

As we all know, there are a lot of buildings in the United States and I mean a lot. Skyscrapers, schools, capital buildings, you name it and you’ll find it here in America. One thing these buildings have in common is that they are not climate friendly. This is completely unacceptable. The fact that these buildings have gone this long without renovations just shows that America is an evil racist country. In this bill though, it will be required that every single building in the United States be remodeled to be climate friendly. This has to happen, because if it doesn’t, millions of people will die. It doesn’t matter how much this costs, we must do it.

4. Getting Rid of Air travel.

One form of traveling that’s extremely dangerous to the planet is Air travel. For years, people have used planes as means for travel rather than trains that are more environmentally friendly. That’s what this bill pushes to change. Basically we get rid of air travel all together and make a large continental railway system that is environmentally friendly. This will be the most efficient solution to this problem. Yes, travel time will decrease, but the environment is more important than wherever you are going, we all have to make sacrifices.

I believe that with this bill, we will save the planet. I am so glad Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez proposed this. Evil Republicans will try to distract from the good of this by asking “how will we pay for this?” Whenever a Republican asks this, you should automatically assume that they are climate deniers, because if they truly cared they wouldn’t worry about something silly like the economy, that won’t even be affected. I know that with everyone’s help Democrats will finally show Americans that they are absolutely insane and that these policies they are pushing are supremely asinine, and will do no good in America.

FAQ:

https://apps.npr.org/documents/document.html?id=5729035-Green-New-Deal-FAQ

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